almost-sane's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 21 SIGNS A GIRL SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT An e-mail forward I got from my friend Bex (and pardon me, I've added my own notes): If I had a nickel... 2. She believes that dancing with her arms overhead and wiggling her butt while yelling "WOO-HOO" is truly the sexiest dance move ever. Are you kidding? In some bars, I'm famous for this! 3. She suddenly decides that she wants to kick someone's ass and honestly believes she could do it too. Mary's funeral. October. 2004. 4. During her her last trip to the ladies room she realizes that she now looks more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess she did just four hours ago. Blue Room. Every other weekend. Spring. 2004. 5. She drops her 3:00 a.m. burrito on the floor, which she picks up and eats even though she's not the least bit hungry. I will not cop to this. Anyone who tell you other wise is a liar and a dirty rotten scoundrel. 6. She starts crying and telling everyone she sees that she loves them sooooo much. Oh God, the memories. New Year's Eve, 2001. WHAT WAS I THINKING? 7. There are less than three hours before she is due to start work. The night I drove JTT and his friends home from Yucatan Cantina and we hung out at Jaime's. The first time I slept with Steve. That night we stayed up watching the ROcky movies at Matt and Todd's... So I've been impaired in judgement a few times. Sue me. 8. She has found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to her. Well, James is my best friend, after all. 9. The man she's flirting with used to be her 5th grade teacher. 5th grade: Mrs. Joan Lebovic. Ew. She was, like, 90. 10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming. Nichole's bachelorette party. 11. Her eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so she keeps them half closed and thinks it looks exotically sexy. Nichole's bachelorette party. 12. She suddenly takes up smoking and becomes really good at it. Honey, I've been smoking since I was 16. 13. She yells at the bartender, who (she believes) cheated by giving her just lemonade in her last drink, when really she can no longer taste the gin. Never liked gin anyway. So there. {KERPLUNK} 14. She thinks she's in bed, but the pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor. Kat & Jen's BBQ madness... 15. She starts every conversation with a booming, "DON'T take this the WRONG WAY but..." I plead the fifth. 16. She fails to notice that the toilet lid's down when she sits on it. Not me, but let's just say there is a reason my dear friend Kat is famous for the "vomitorium." That poor, poor girl 17. Her hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves. Hugs? I like to be on the couch with my head on someone's shoulder. 18. She's tired so she just sits on the floor (wherever she happens to be standing) to take a quick nap. What a BRILLIANT idea. 19. She begins leaving the buttons open on her button fly pants to cut down on the time she's in the bathroom and away from her drink. Not true. There usually comes a point in the evening where I will switch to my yoga pants or pajama bottoms if possible. 20. She takes her shoes off because she believes it's their fault that she is having problems walking straight. Nichole's bachelorette party. And frankly, it's a miracle I didn't get foot fungus. 21. She starts believing that everyone in the room wants to see her boobs. Nichole's bachelorette party. We have pictures. 10:31 A.M. - 12.22.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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